Urban Scare Crows

When some mourning doves built a nest in my West End Avenue window box a few weeks ago, I greeted it with the same enthusiasm as the arrival of a jury summons. How long is this going to take, I wondered. But as the handsome pair of birds settled into a not very cozy nest of a few twigs scattered over bare dirt, I grew interested in the proceedings. In a day or so, two tiny eggs appeared.

Mama rarely left the nest and as the days turned into weeks she sat there through cold and rain, and then during a sudden warm spell, the scorching morning sun. It was maddening to watch. “How can she stand it?” I asked my partner. “She must be going out of her mind."

She kept a wary eye on me just a few feet away in my kitchen, and I, a watchful one on her. Finally, two very tiny chicks appeared. She kept them under wraps for the first few days by basically sitting on them, but they grew fast, and soon were large enough to be observed by more than just me. Mama was gone one morning and with the chicks lying there like a couple of hors d’oeuvres, a large crow landed on the box looking very much like a hungry Darth Vader. I yelled loudly and jumped to the window pounding the glass. The crow instantly retreated for an adjacent parapet where it turned and took a long murderous look at me before flying off, I hoped never to return.

That night, knowing I might not be there next time, I wondered what I could do to protect the birds. There was no realistic way to box them in and mama wouldn’t tolerate it anyway. Then, remembering how the crow stared me down, I thought, get a good sized picture of someone’s head and put it in the window. So, I went to the Times and cut out the largest one I could find and taped it to the
glass. Then I thought, if the crow sees the shape of a body, too, it will definitely not try anything. I hung one of my shirts under the head. That is when I realized I had just reinterpreted the scarecrow for urban use.


That was a week ago. The chicks are large now. They chirp a lot and flap their wings as if ready for flight. I named them Yip and Yap. Momma is still wary of me, and though I have enjoyed her presence, I’ll be glad when I get my flowers planted. And the head photo I used in the window? It was only after I finished assembling the scare crow that I realized where it came from. It was from a new movie that is out called State of Play, starring... Russell Crowe.

Blogger Reads Entry on WNYC Radio

My short satirical piece below about the Republicans won me an entry on the Brian Lehrer Show Political Satire Slam last week. I was one of eight finalist from over 250 entries. Unfortunately, Brian didn't like my delivery or concept much. He said I needed to work on both. His independent judge, a television comedienne whose name I have forgotten loved it though, but I was still eliminated. On to the next show.

Republicans Call Keynesian Economics “Just a Theory,” Propose Job Creationism

Republicans Call Keynesian Economics “Just a Theory”, Propose Job Creationism

(Washington) Top Republican leaders today called Keynesian economic principles in the Obama stimulus plan, “just a theory.” In a news conference from Capitol Hill, Republican Minority Leader John Boehner said, “The idea that Federal construction projects will create jobs in this country is utter malarkey. It is a well known fact that spending by the government in the 1930s actually prolonged the depression and that the thousands of jobs created by agencies like the WPA weren’t real. Keynes's theories have never been proven right and he was, after all, a poofter.”

Instead, the Ohio congressman said Republicans will propose a Job Creationism Tax Cut that will stimulate investment and hiring by the business owners who are the party’s base. It will include a full tax credit for lobbying expenses and a one thousand dollar per child tax credit to companies that hire parents. It will also eliminate the death tax because it is believed under Creationist Economics, good Republicans actually can take it with them. An IRS spokeswoman declined to confirm such deductions are possible.

More Carved Rock

Old Stones

We are no Rome, but New York is a town full of old stones as this view of West 92nd Street can attest to. And like the sacking of Rome by the Vandals or Visigoths, or whoever it was, the city is always being torn at by their descendants in destruction, the Developers.

Mind you, not everything in NY is worth saving, but many attractive old buildings are torn down every year. Often the projects are a success for the builder, the city and the neighborhood. Other times, a small, fine old building is torn down to make way for something much larger in a neighborhood that can ill accommodate it. Under the zoning laws south of 96th Street, you could possibly put a 20 story structure where a four story brownstone sits.

Generally, little thought is given to neighborhood context, which on the Upper West Side would be it's pre-World War One character. The worst example of this is the Ariel East on Broadway and 100th Street. It is a spindly glass box out of context with its surroundings situated mid-block and dwarfing not only the buildings on either side of it, but also everything in a ten block radius except, perhaps, its sister building across the street.

Penn Station was destroyed in the 1960s to build Madison Square Garden and the city has never recovered from it.
In that transaction the city exchanged a monolith of urban progress and civility for a harvest gold, pin cushion shaped arena that is best entered from underground. After that event, a landmark law was enacted, but it is weak and one look at the map of landmarked buildings in the city shows the strong influence of political players other than preservationists.

Pulling Your Weight

Pedicabs first started showing up in Midtown in 2002. Recalling Mao's ban on rickshaws as undignified, they made me uneasy at first, but they were being driven by wholesome looking young guys who had found a way of avoiding the onset of the great Manhattan career track. In the beginning, they pretty much kept to the flatter streets around Times Square and Sixth Avenue. These days you see them more in Central Park. Dozens of them. They seem to be competing successfully with the horse drawn carriages of Central Park South both for tourist fares and space on the crowded road. Their ranks have changed, too. Now, some are pedaled by women and there are a lot of new drivers from eastern Europe and Africa. They stop often to point out landmarks, but more probably it's to rest after pulling a couple of heavy Midwesterners up a hill. You'll just as often overhear them misidentifying landmarks around the park like calling the Beresford the Dakota. I did a double take one day when I thought I heard a driver telling his bored looking fares about a former ships' grave in the middle of the park before I realized he was pointing at the Sheep's Meadow where once sheep grazed.

Spring Arriving in NY Ever So Slowly

Th St. Urban at 89th and Central Park West is rare in that its return wall, the back wall that does not face the street, but can be seen from the street, is actually decorated. Most builders don't bother with such niceties.